Motherhood

The who’s more tired game

There’s a game called the who’s more tired game, I think most parents know what I’m talking about. My husband thinks he’s more tired because he works all day and wakes at night when the baby cries. I think I’m more tired because my work isn’t 9 – 5 anymore, it’s from when I open my eyes until I close my eyes. About a month ago my husband said his life was like the movie groundhog day (he was 60 hours into an 84 hour work week). I wasn’t sympathetic. ‘I’ve done a 150 hour week’ was my reply which I can hear myself saying in the most annoying tone. I hadn’t been that angry since I went mental and threw a game controller after losing in NBA Jam. I started to take deep breaths, I needed to calm down, it was obvious that I was more tired. How could he not see that?!

I was in labour for 21 hours when I gave birth and let me tell you I was tired. I was pretty dramatic in hindsight, wobbling my head from side to side, deep breathing in a daze but then again I had just given birth to a TINY HUMAN BEING! My little babe had a traumatic entry into the world being yanked out of my vagina with a vacuum seal so was taken away from me. It felt like I was in the delivery room forever being stitched up. My husband eventually returned to tell me the baby was fine. He was all in a hypo carrying around my placenta in a big yellow bio hazard bag and I was just zonked. He eventually went home and had a good few hours sleep. I was able to visit bub briefly then put in my room to ‘sleep’ but I couldn’t because I needed to urgently tell everyone the baby was born after my brother posted on facebook before I had a chance to tell anyone. Then my head was looping the fuck out from all the drugs so I had to keep my eyes open just to feel normal. Clearly I was more tired then.

I didn’t sleep the next day because people were constantly in and out of the room – one lady asking if I was doing my pelvic floor, another asking if I wanted to talk about the traumatic delivery, another talking about contraception (not necessary) while another looked at my stitches. There was no such thing as ‘rest time’, talk about hectic. I went home the following day and then the real lack of sleep began. People told me ‘sleep while the baby sleeps’ but I didn’t listen. I was going to DO-IT-ALL I was woman, hear me roar. I cleaned the house, did the washing, cooked gourmet meals, I refused help. I thought I could handle it, then the sleepless nights got on top of me. I’m not sure if it was week 2, 3 or 4 because it’s such a blur but one morning I could not face getting out of bed. Nights were so hard back then, I’d get to 7pm and think ‘I can’t wait to get into bed’ then remember what was ahead of me. I’d have an overwhelming sense of dread and then delay going to sleep which makes no sense. I was definitely more tired then.

whos more tired
So tired we didn’t even clean our feet before the photoshoot

Here we are now just over 5 months in and I still can’t sleep while the baby sleeps during the day because he catnaps. We’ve separated (the baby and me) because old-mate-have-a-chat is too noisy. He has a cot sensor which I’ve tested vigorously to ensure I can hear it should he stop breathing for any reason so I’m not concerned about him being in a different room. Nights are much easier to handle now because I’m not up for hours feeding and settling him to sleep. I still have mornings when I hear him chatting and I telepathically tell him to shut the f up and let me go back to sleep but I get out of bed, shuffle to his room, look in his cot and his excited giggling face melts me and I say good morning, have a coffee and get through each day. I’ve made it out of the newborn mombie (mum-zombie) phase alive but five months of limited sleep has taken it’s toll.

So who’s more tired now? The truth is we’re both tired. We’re both so god damn tired. We laugh about the times before we had a baby that we thought we were tired. My husband is actually amazing, he gets up early and goes to work for 12 hours, he comes home each day and bathes the baby then cooks us dinner while I feed the baby and put him to bed. I’m glad we’ve stopped playing the ‘who’s more tired game’. We’re on the same team now, if one of us is tired the other will step up. The competitiveness between us was pointless and besides…clearly I’m more tired.

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42 Comments

  • Reply

    Oh I can so relate to this. I’m pretty lucky that because I get up to feed (not that she needs it, but that’s another story) my husband does the early mornings. Occasionally I do the early so he can have a lie in. I think we both walk around in a haze of tiredness!

    #SharingTheBlogLove

  • Reply

    Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons

    August 26, 2016

    I think every couple has that moment after having a baby where they both have a complete meltdown about being tired – I know we definitely did! My son took until 7 months to start sleeping through and I remember clearly feeling like it really took it’s toll on me. It clouded every day with that zombie like feeling and made me snap at the tiniest little thing. I’m also convinced that men aren’t programmed like women are to wake at the slightest cry from a baby – and even if they do, they seem to roll over and go back to sleep no problem! It really is funny to look back and think that you thought you were tired pre-baby – I knew nothing of tiredness!! Thanks so much for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  • Reply

    Hannah (tuesdayschildblog)

    August 27, 2016

    I can totally relate to this! My daughter is also 5 months and not the best sleeper, I hit a wall about a month ago but must solider on! Me and the boyf have promised to stop playing the ‘I’m more tired than you game!’ #Sharingthebloglove

  • Reply

    Laura - dear bear and beany

    August 28, 2016

    We had a year of bad sleep, by eldest daughter went from perfect sleeper t waking 3/4 times a night. Plus I had my youngest daughter waking once a night. I lived on 4 hours of broken sleep for a year. It was a tough period for us both. I used to do all the nights and my husband would get up with them in the morning, so I could try and get an hour sleep. There are no winners when it comes to sleep. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove Laura x
    Laura – dear bear and beany recently posted…Turning Two…The Ordinary MomentsMy Profile

  • Reply

    Hannah Spannah

    August 30, 2016

    Being on the same team is vital otherwise things like this can rally cause problems. I love the nickname ‘old-mate-have-a-chat’! My ex husband left when my some as 7 months old. He sleeps all night, every night and goes on child free holidays. I am definitely more tired. (!)
    Hannah Spannah recently posted…The Great Bloggers Bake Off Wk1 – Triple Chocolate Mirror Glaze Jaffa CakeMy Profile

  • Reply

    Hannah Spannah

    August 30, 2016

    Thanks for joining the #weekendblogshare and sorry my comment is so late!
    Hannah Spannah recently posted…The Great Bloggers Bake Off Wk1 – Triple Chocolate Mirror Glaze Jaffa CakeMy Profile

  • Reply

    Soppymum (Sara)

    September 1, 2016

    This was a ‘game’ that caused a number of arguments in our house!!! We decided to just accept we are both tired….inside I’m still answering how I’m more tired though!!! Glad you’re getting some sleep though #sharingthebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      Haha yes I totally agree with answering inside with how I’m more tired!

  • Reply

    Taryn

    September 1, 2016

    I can relate to this, it feels like we are both always tired but in different ways and for different reasons and it can turn into a bit of a ‘sleep war’, we give each other one lie in each week and it helps a bit. great post #sharingthebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      Thanks for reading! That’s a great idea giving each other one lie in a week. We might need to implement that at my house.

  • Reply

    Lucy At Home

    September 1, 2016

    Oh those first few months so unbelieveably tiring! You just can’t imagine how tired you’ll be before you actually get there. I’m glad you’re working as a team now (and obvs the mum is more tired, not that I’m biased! Ha!). #SharingTheBlogLove
    Lucy At Home recently posted…30 Reasons Why I Love Being A Young MumMy Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      Yes you have no idea how tired you’re going to be!

  • Reply

    Angela Watling

    September 1, 2016

    `I think this is sadly inevitable. I know we did it. But as you’re already seeing, it starts to pass. You’ll never walk in each others shoes so you just need to be sympathetic to each other. And you’re right, the smiling little face is what always gets you through it! #SharingtheBlogLove
    Angela Watling recently posted…What Mini H did – 19 monthsMy Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      You’re right, sympathy is key. Yes, the smiles just make it all better!

  • Reply

    Rebecca Taylor

    September 1, 2016

    The end made me chuckle! This is such a fantastic article. So honest and real – I am sure so many of us can relate. I think the difference between tiredness pre-baby and post baby is you know pre-baby you can power through as you can then catch-up afterwards. That feeling as you sink into bed when you are absolutely exhausted and just switch off. Post-baby the tiredness is more extreme and it is neverending, day after day. There is no catch-up time! I remember that dread too. Crawling into bed as soon as baby was asleep. So grateful momentarily until that dread kicks back in and reminds you the nightmare would start again in a few hours!
    People always reminded me it doesn’t last forever, and it doesn’t, but that didn’t make it easier at the time! X #Sharingthebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      yes, that’s so true! It’s easier to cope with being tired when you know you can just catch up sleep!

  • Reply

    sarahbel

    September 1, 2016

    I relate to every word of this! The number of times we’ve had this discussion!!! Thankfully now, 9 months in Matilda sleeps through regularly (yay!) but is a fan of an early start (boo!) so the venom behind the words has somewhat dissipated! #sharethebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      Oh that’s so great she’s sleeping through. Sleep ins are definitely a thing of the past!

  • Reply

    Kirsty

    September 1, 2016

    I’ve played this game with my husband. We didn’t do it for long as it got us nowhere. Now we admit we are both equally tired but in different ways. He is work tired and I am toddler tired…. Of course mine is worse.
    #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      Yes, it didn’t take us long to realise we shouldn’t be playing it anymore as well! Toddler tired definitely sounds worse.

  • Reply

    Andrea @ Topsy Turvy Tribe

    September 1, 2016

    I’m definitely more tired too! My youngest 22mo Mayhem still feeds 5-6 times a night. ..yawn! No contest with my hubbie who does get up very early with Chaos the threenager. I’m sure we’ll get to sleep at some point! #sharingthebloglove
    Andrea @ Topsy Turvy Tribe recently posted…A year ago today…SurgeryMy Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      Oh GOD! You are definitely more tired. No competition there! Thanks for reading x

  • Reply

    Not A Frumpy Mum

    September 1, 2016

    Haha, this is me and my husband to a tee. We are always playing the “Who’s more tired?” game but ultimately we share out the responsibilities and if one of us has had a bad day the other takes over. I think it’s the only way to survive having a new baby in the house without going crazy! xx

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      It’s funny how we feel the need to compete about who’s more tired! That’s good he shares the load. I agree completely necessary! x

  • Reply

    Kerry

    September 1, 2016

    Haha I remember the first few months (my little girl is now 2), I was so tired I used to hallucinate. I remember thinking that I wanted to go back in time to pre-baby me, and punch myself in the face for saying I was tired then! #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      Oh wow you must have been really tired! I hallucinated a couple of times thinking the baby was in the bed. Worst feeling ever!

  • Reply

    Louise

    September 2, 2016

    I can totally relate to this, my husband is always telling me how tired he is, but he sleeps solidly all night whereas in up 2/3 times a night and look after our son all day everyday! He catnaps and I could never get a chance to rest when he does because there is so much stuff to do!! #sharingthebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      catnapping is the worst! By the time you’ve gotten them to sleep and started something they’re awake!

  • Reply

    Louise

    September 2, 2016

    my husbands the same, he always complains he’s the most tired even though I’m up 2/3 times a night! #sharingthebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      They just don’t understand how hard it is getting up that many times! Hopefully soon you’ll be getting more sleep. Thanks for reading x

  • Reply

    Emma Plus Three

    September 2, 2016

    I remember it well. Luckily mine are 3 and 5 now and sleep well so neither of us have a reason to be tired anymore! x #sharingthebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      That’s so great, that gives me something to look forward to! Thanks for reading. x

  • Reply

    Kat

    September 4, 2016

    I can relate to this and our girl is six! It’s much easier working together as a team than playing this game with each other. #sharingthebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      I don’t know if mum’s ever get to truly catch up on sleep especially with energetic kids!

  • Reply

    Peachy and her Mommy

    September 4, 2016

    My husband and I stil have similar debates and we’re nine months in. He thinks his sleep is more important because I can nap durring the day. I can? When? There is no such thing as napping durring the day at our house. But I’m very lucky because Peachy does sleep through the night. I just don’t get any breaks durring the day so I have to make sure I don’t stay up late. #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      I don’t think anyone understands how hard it is to ‘sleep while the baby sleeps’. That’s great you get to sleep through the night!

  • Reply

    Jade - Raw Childhood

    September 4, 2016

    Oh we have played this game too.. many many times! My oh usually gives in and says “ok maybe you are slightly more tired, but it doesn’t mean I’m not tired too” lol great post :) #sharingthebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      Thanks Jade, haha that’s a good point. Doesn’t really matter who’s more tired if you’re both tired! Thanks for reading.

  • Reply

    Laura Clark

    September 6, 2016

    Oh this is soooooo familiar! We’ve kinda given up the fight too now and just share the work and keep quiet lol Thanks for sharing x #sharingthebloglove
    Laura Clark recently posted…All Time Favourite Novels (Part 2)My Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 8, 2016

      I love how you say kinda because I thought we had given up and then yesterday I tried to play it again and had to take a deep breath!

  • Reply

    The Pramshed

    October 6, 2016

    I can really relate to this and I think it happens to everyone who’s in this situation. As we compare our day to our husbands or partners, and they compare our day to theirs. We’re just doing different things. I don’t think anyone could have prepared me for the 4 mon the sleep regression which I dealt with single handedly for 3 months, whilst my husband slept soundly through the night as he had work. That was one tired time. But we get through the tired days and it’s great that you can have a laugh about it now. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

    • Reply

      Emma

      October 8, 2016

      Yes, you just get through it, I didn’t realise someone could function on so little sleep! Thanks for hosting #fortheloveofBLOG

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