Browse Tag by wellness
Motherhood

This is what depression looks like

I’ve had depression for 18 years. I don’t know how I got it or why, I don’t know if it’s because I had roaccutane for acne as a teenager (which is what I normally tell people) or simply my brain chemistry is off. I would describe myself as a ‘high functioning depressed person’ if that’s even a thing. Most people don’t even know I have depression, it’s not something that I advertise. The reason why it’s so hard to tell that someone is depressed, is because this is what depression looks like:

this is what depression looks like

Before Pregnancy

I decided to stop medication a year before falling pregnant. Despite being told I should never go off medication, I just stopped taking it one day because I thought that if I did take medication while pregnant I would have an autistic baby. So fucking dumb. So basically I struggled for the whole year I was off it. My mental state was slowly deteriorating until every day I was secretly fantasising about dying. Whilst driving I would hope a car would cross lanes and hit me head on. In the shower or even just walking I would think about slipping and cracking my head open. I always wanted it to be an accident, I never wanted to do something to myself because that was selfish but if I accidentally died then that wouldn’t be my fault. I just wanted to stop feeling.

During Pregnancy

When I got pregnant all those thoughts suddenly disappeared. Pregnancy must have flooded me with happy hormones because mentally I was so stable. I always say how much I loved being pregnant, it wasn’t because I had an easy pregnancy, it was actually pretty hard with every symptom under the sun but my mind was clear and I was high on life.

3 months post baby

So I had Will and at first I had some baby blues but I mostly felt ok. When Will was 3 months old I went to my GP and said I thought I had post natal depression (PND). By the way, this is my GP of over 20 years, who knew my complete medical history. He just smiled and told me I was a normal mum, struggling with sleep deprivation and everything I was feeling was normal, that I wasn’t in a constant state of dread but to come back if anything changed. I’m not sure if I smiled too much, if I looked too organised and capable but a little part of me knew he was wrong but i just said ok and left. I decided to pay (way too much) for an online sleep program and in it, the founder talks about how she believes that many women think they have PND but they actually are just sleep deprived (how fucking irresponsible). So I watched that and thought I just needed to sleep more, stop being so dramatic and toughen up.

Nine months post baby

Fast forward to nine months in and I was getting pretty bad. I was super emotional, on the verge of tears all the time. I couldn’t watch the news or listen to something sad on the radio. I started to get paranoid and thought that Will didn’t like me and the thoughts of wanting to die returned. Still not wanting to kill myself but to ‘go to sleep and never wake up.’ I knew that I was in trouble so I told my husband I wasn’t coping and it was serious. We went back to my GP together. Will was really sick that day, vomiting all over me in the waiting room so he was prioritised in the appointment. I did break down and admit to my GP I wasn’t coping, he asked me to make another appointment to discuss treatment options but I was so worried about Will that I forgot.

Christmas time

Just before Christmas I had a child health nurse appointment with a woman I hadn’t met before. Halfway through the appointment the nurse looked at me really seriously and said ‘are you ok?’ I burst into tears and said no, that I had PND and I really needed help. She told me that the moment I walked in, I had set alarm bells off in her head. Before I arrived, she had read my file mentioning my long history of mental illness. I then waltzed on in with a huge smile on my face, in a pretty dress with make up on. Basically I looked a little too happy, a little too in control and she smelt bullshit. I did the PND quiz again and I only scored high enough to suggest a trip to the GP. I left the appointment promising that after Christmas I would make an appointment with my GP.

After Christmas

Christmas came and went, I was staying at my in-laws down South and one day breakfast just got too much and I broke down. I pretended to go have a shower and just cried my heart out in the bathroom. I text my husband asking him to come upstairs and I told him I needed to go to a doctor immediately, that I was seriously not coping and I needed to be medicated.

The Doctor

I told my husband I was fine to go by myself. Google maps put me at the wrong end of town so I had to run in the heat to the right place. I got to reception and cried the whole time, I had to put Will on the floor to fill out the new patient form, he kept crawling towards a person coughing. I dropped my bag, I was a complete mess. I went in to see the doctor, I just cried, mumbling that I wasn’t coping and that I needed medication. She told me that I needed to go on a mental health plan, that she couldn’t give me medication and I needed to go to my regular doctor. I just cried. She asked me what medication I should be on, I told her I couldn’t remember. She just looked at me harshly, then it dawned on me that she thought I was a drug addict. I asked her to call my doctor, she was hesitant but she did. Thank god she got a hold of him and after a brief conversation with him she held my hand and told me everything was going to be ok.

Medicated

I’ve been medicated for 6 weeks now and I feel like a new person. I’m on a very low dose of antidepressant. My brain makes the serotonin itself naturally, the drug just stops my brain from breaking it down so I always have a supply. I don’t know how I survived the past 2 1/2 years to be quite honest, it’s like I’ve come out of a fog and life is great again. My thoughts are calm, I don’t cry, I don’t have a temper, I’m in control of my own mind. I’m quite aware that medication isn’t the answer for everyone, this isn’t a blog post promoting drugs but it’s the right thing for me. I’ve been told (again) that I need to take them forever, that just like a diabetic needs insulin, my brain needs antidepressants.

So what took me so long to seek help?

The scary thing is that I knew the warning signs. I’d been through this before many times and I knew I wasn’t right. That’s the thing about depression though, you just get used to living with it and it spirals. You think that the world is against you, you get paranoid, you get good at hiding your feelings. You think people aren’t going to understand. You think people will treat you differently so you live in a secret world of guilt and shame and negativity. You think people aren’t going to take you seriously. You think people will call you an attention seeker. You think people aren’t going to believe you. You think you don’t deserve to get help.

I only recently admitted to my husband and my mum about wanting to die, they had no idea. This is why people are shocked when someone ends their life because people don’t talk about how they are feeling. This is what depression looks like. You can’t tell who has it and it can affect anyone.

If you think you may have depression, seek help. Call beyondblue. Go see your GP and ask to go on a free mental health plan through medicare.

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Wellness

Nutrition with Sarah Moore Wellness

Last week I had a private in-home consultation with Sarah from SarahMooreWellness.com.au. Sarah and I had built up a friendship on Instagram so when we discussed having a consultation I was super excited. The first blog post of Sarah’s that really interested me was about doing a lemon detox but it was her finding hidden sugars post that totally won me over by teaching me how to read food labels.

Sarah Moore Wellness

I’ve always been interested in seeing a nutritionist but I’ve never really known how to find one. I googled once but the big world wide web just scared me off as I imagined being conned into one of those Herbalife pyramid schemes. Which believe me is very possible considering I almost bought two $30 whisks from Big W a few months ago. Like literally bought two for sixty freaking dollars after an in-store demo then found basically the same ones in red dot for $2.99 so returned them and got my money back. Anyway I’m getting off track. So basically finding Sarah on Instagram who was a legit registered nutritionist in Perth with a Bachelor of Science and Masters of public health was a huge win. I mean people pay so much money for personal trainers to help work out their bodies, they should really be paying a nutritionist to find out what to feed their bodies too.

Sarah Moore Wellness

Before our scheduled consultation, Sarah sent me a client form to fill out. I always feel apprehensive filling out forms about health and always want to lie but I felt confident knowing that it was totally confidential. I also liked that I could fill it out online and email it back without the risk of my boss seeing it on the printer. I resisted the urge to lie and I also resisted strategically placing coconut water and kale around my kitchen. Which really just means I was totally unorganised and I prioritised panic cleaning before she came over.

Sarah Moore Wellness

Sarah arrived right on scheduled time and I instantly liked her. I actually wanted to give her a hug at my front door which is very unlike me but I resisted the urge and decided on a professional handshake. I offered Sarah a coffee and she said yes so I felt like our friendship was off to a great start. A little small talk about blogging to break the ice then I took her over to the dining area so we could sit down and talk nutrition. Sarah had asked me what I wanted from the consultation and I really just wanted her to advise me if the vitamins and foods I eat regularly are good options as I’m still trying to lose the baby weight. I like to think I’m not stupid when it comes to nutrition, like don’t eat redskins for dinner but I want to make sure I’m on the right track with our regular meals. I took out my epic vitamin stash which I think even shocked Sarah and she taught me the difference between fat soluble and water soluble vitamins. We discussed what supplements are a waste of time and what nutrients I should be getting from food.

After that we moved into the kitchen where Sarah taught me how to read through the labels on the items we buy regularly like our bread, wraps, crumpets, cereal, yoghurt and pizza bases. Most of our other food is bought fresh so I was pleasantly surprised that with a few tweaks I could easily buy different alternatives that make a huge difference to our health. While Sarah was over I thought I would totally take advantage and ask for some advice on formula and what to feed Will. I mean family health is her specialty so it really would’ve been rude not to ask!

Sarah Moore Wellness

I feel like having Sarah come and talk to me about nutrition was a great boost for my weight loss goals. I even walked around Woolworths thinking WWSD (What would Sarah Do) over and over, deciding to put a red cabbage in the trolley and skipping the chocolate aisle. I cannot recommend Sarah highly enough for private consultations in Perth as her knowledge base is so amazing. Sarah offers private consultations in-home or she often meets clients at cafes close to their work. If you aren’t in Perth, Sarah also offers email Q & A’s so check out the services on her website.

Oh and if you still aren’t sold then you HAVE to see her recipe for Frozen Cheesecake bites. I mean come on, who doesn’t love cheesecake?! While you’re at it give her Facebook page a like and follow her on Instagram for awesome family recipes and wellness advice.

Nourished Life ORGANIC superfoods

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Wellness

That time I ended up at Fat Camp

I thought that Throwback Thursday was a perfect day to post about the time I went to fat camp. If you follow my Instagram @thatgypsymum you would have seen this photo I posted:

Fat campThat was 4 years ago now and the result of months of hard work. The funny thing is I didn’t go to fat camp to lose weight, it wasn’t even called a fat camp, it was called a Thai fitness bootcamp. I went to support my brother who wanted to go to improve his fitness. He had a bad car accident years earlier and wanted to get fit after a long recovery. He organised the whole thing and somehow I thought that I was going to a lovely retreat in the mountains. I imagined spending my days getting massages, doing yoga, lying by the pool and occasionally attending training sessions that I would ace because everyone else in the group would be unhealthy compared to my fit self. I couldn’t of been more wrong.

We arrived, checked in and attended the group meeting where we received our program. I quickly realised this was no holiday camp. Our program consisted of nine hours of exercise a day! Yes that’s right – NINE HOURS A DAY not including lettuce breaks. There was only eight of us in the group so clearly they would notice if I disappeared to lay by the pool. Being the competitive person I am, I sized up the others in the group and put myself roughly at the top in terms of health and fitness. There was a Nike marketing representative who ran every morning so she was probably fitter than me. There was an ex army guy but he was way older and at the end of a lengthy honeymoon with his wife so I ranked myself in with them. There were two really attractive girls that said they were training for a marathon but they seemed more leisure than lifting weights. Their mother was no match and then there was my brother who was bigger than me and recovering from an accident so obvs he was no competition. We had our weigh in and I was surprised at my measurements, maybe I was more out of shape than I had realised. After our weigh in we had ‘before’ photos taken then went straight to our first training session. It was horrendous. It was circuit training and I actually thought I was going to die. I looked over at my brother who was coping fine, there was no way I could be doing worse than him. I think I actually went into shock, my dream of 10 relaxing days in Thailand was shattered.

The next day I woke up so sore I had to lean on the bathroom vanity to get up off the toilet. Even the one step down out of the villa was too much to bear. We went for a long hike through the jungle up a huge hill which was so beautiful I could almost distract myself from the pain. I was starving after my raw food breakfast of some kind of seeds in almond milk but it was off to a fitness centre miles away (walking of course) to complete a fitness test so we could track our results. The sun was beating down on us and I was just lucky it wasn’t humid. I had blisters on my feet already but I was optimistic as I walked near the front of the pack. We arrived to complete our beep test which I was still confident about because I used to be a long distance runner so knew it was all a mental game. I was going to kill it, pain is weakness leaving the body and all that shit. Well I was terrible. I got a 4 which is laughable and considered very poor. I was so fucking bad that even my brother kicked my ass. Immediately afterwards I text my dad to let him know that my brother had beaten me and my dad said it was the funniest thing he had heard in his life. I was meant to be there to support him!

The week of fun continued. One day we cycled up a mountain for four hours avoiding huge lorry trucks with the reward being a horrible elephant retreat where men were poking them with sticks so they would do tricks. Another day we walked so far I asked the Nike representative to check if my Nike jogging shoes had worn down too far to be safe for exercise. My muscles were so sore that the massages we received nightly were torture. The sauna sessions were so dehydrating I drank too much water and needed to pee all night. One morning I thought I could not keep going. I did not sign up for the biggest loser and I would just not show up but I felt guilty and the pressure of a small group made me go. Day by day the pain went away and by day 5 the sessions weren’t easy but definitely not hard anymore. I felt like I had lost heaps of weight from how my clothes were fitting and I could tell I was less bloated from the hell diet raw food diet we were on.

On day 6 tragedy struck. My knee gave away. I had previously undergone two ACL reconstructions on my left knee. The first time from netball, the second time I say it was from jumping a puddle but might have been from stepping off a dancing podium onto a stray bottle at Club Bayview. So here I was with a swollen knee on ice unable to participate much. It would have been welcomed on Day 1 but I only had one day to go and I wanted to beat my brother so bad on the beep test. The last day came and my knee was so bad I couldn’t even do the beep test! I turned up expecting a relaxing holiday, realised I was in biggest loser territory, still thought I could kick ass but then couldn’t even finish the week! Here is the before and after photos and results from one week of bootcamp:

One Week Results
One Week Results
Results
Results

Even though I didn’t pass and my brother won in the fitness department. I felt abso-bloody-lutely AMAZING. I thought I was Cindy-Crawford-American-flag-bikini-cut-off-denims HOT. Clearly I wasn’t anything like that but who cares I felt wonderful. I couldn’t wait to see my boyfriend at Bangkok airport, he had been away with a mate in Phuket for a week of partying and he was going to die when he saw the new me. When I saw him I thought he was literally going to die but not because of the way I looked but because he had partied too hard and ended up with both flu and gastro. He was so skinny it was like he’d been at a boot camp for months. I felt so ripped off, I had worked my ass off while he partied and he was slimmer than me.

I didn’t see the before and after photos until they were emailed to me at home. I was horrified both at the way I looked before and the way I looked after. Not because I thought I was so overweight but because I was clearly so puffy and unhealthy. Years of junk food and alcohol abuse had taken their toll. It was time for a change.

My boyfriend and I had already quit our jobs before the trip and had planned a 3 month holiday camping along the Western Australian coast so we took the opportunity to eat meat and salads for every meal, we trained for 30 – 60 minutes every day which wasn’t hard after participating in the biggest loser. We swam in the ocean, took long walks along the soft sand and the result was:

Months later
Months later

I obviously don’t look like that now 4 months after having a baby but my brother is currently in Thailand on another fitness camp so today had me reminiscing about how wonderful I felt. My husband and I are planning another long 3 month camping trip at the end of this year so while he takes care of the baby I will be getting my fitness back on track. Watch out Kayla Itsines I’m coming for ya.

That skirt fit me for one day
That skirt fit me for one day
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Review, Wellness

Blessed Herbs Cleanse

It’s a long one so just warning you… also cleansing should always be approved by a medical professional. It is not safe to have a sudden change in diet or lifestyle. I am not recommending you do this cleanse, I am just telling you my experience with this cleanse.

THIS IS MY COLON CLEANSE EXPERIENCE WITH BLESSED HERBS FROM JULY 2013

I have been wanting to do a cleanse for a while now, I have tried before but I wasn’t prepared. My previous attempts were last minute, like the time I woke up in the morning and decided I was going to do the lemon detox… I thought after 2 weeks on the lemon detox I would be like Beyonce and lose 10kg. It ended on day one with me starving by noon, eating whatever fast food restaurant was closest. This time I am going to be prepared.

The first step was to decide what kind of cleanse to do. Obviously the whole idea of a cleanse is to detoxify the body. I know how to eat healthy, the issue is that I don’t. I crave sugar, caffeine and carbohydrates so in order to get rid of those cravings I definitely needed to eliminate them from my diet. That doesn’t leave a lot of options. I decided to seek the advice of a professional and so went to a wellness centre that specialises in colonics.

Unfortunately the first colonic was a complete disaster. The lady took me through to the colonic room and showed me a diagram of the digestive system. She explained the process of eliminating waste from the body. I was told to lie on a toilet bed and insert a tube that will fill my colon up with water. It is a constant flow machine so pretty much the water goes in and the excrement comes out. Not through a tube but around the tube into the toilet part of the bed. You can then watch the stuff come out through a different clear tube via a mirror so you know what you are getting rid of. The lady wasn’t in the room so I couldn’t ask any questions and I didn’t receive much information except that I should have 6 colonics in a row to clean the colon. During the experience, a little bit came out at the start but during the last 30 minutes nothing came out. I naively thought that I must have an incredible digestive system. Afterwards I was completely bloated and didn’t pass anything for two days. I had put on weight which shocked me because I thought colonics would help you lose weight. I thought I was going in there a size 12 and out a size 8 but no, I was bigger.

So after that experience I was really deflated. Inflated with water and gas but deflated emotionally. My boyfriend told me that every proctologist in the world is against colonics. I don’t know when he had time to speak to every proctologist in the world or even when he would have spoken to one but maybe he had a point.

It was a couple of days later that I received a call from Sue at the rejuvenation centre. I had tried calling her before the other wellness place but she didn’t answer. I explained to Sue about the experience and she explained that her process was different. She was in the room the whole time, massaging the stomach and explaining what was going on. I decided to book an appointment.

I arrived at the medical office and was greeted by Sue, I completed a health questionnaire and then had a consultation with her. Sue asked me about my past history in terms of medical conditions, she advised that my skin issues that have plagued me since I was a teenager was most likely a result of too much dairy. She also advised that if I gave up gluten then I would most likely be relieved of my chronic sinusitis. She explained that toxins build up in the body and seeing as I had intense antibiotics pumped into me last year after a kidney infection my body was most likely toxic.

The experience at the rejuvenation centre was completely different. The water flowed in first and when released, everything flushes out of the same tube and drains away. Sue massaged my stomach and told me I had a lot of gas build up because of the previous colonic. Lucky there was no smell because I could tell by the amount of bubbles that came through the tube I was not in the healthiest state. I had moments of nausea and cramping before a big ‘release’ as she called it. She told me the nausea was due to my liver being toxic. I was honestly surprised. Last year I stopped drinking alcohol for 7 months after a kidney infection so thought that was plenty of rest for my liver not to be toxic. Turns out it isn’t just alcohol or fat that causes a toxic overload in your liver. Food in general causes issues too and my poor liver had been trying to process sugar, caffeine, preservatives, flavouring and prescription medication. Empty all that into the colon then mix in some dairy and gluten and all kind of nasties must be growing in there. What surprised me, especially after the previous colonic experience was how much came out. I was shocked there is that much inside you. I was also surprised to discover that a healthy person goes three times a day. I thought I was good going once a day. Sue could tell from what was coming out that whilst I do go to the toilet once a day, not all of my meals comes out. She asked me when I last ate nuts (over 2 weeks ago) because there was a lot coming through. It was obviously I don’t chew and digest food properly either. Sue advised me to go dairy free and gluten free and see how I feel. When I got home that day I had lost 4 kg, 2kg that I had gained from the previous colonic and 2kg of my own waste. I felt on top of the world. I had so much energy, felt so awake and light. My stomach was so flat! I was converted. A colon cleanse is what I needed to do.

That week I was good, well by week I mean the rest of Monday, Tuesday and half of Wednesday. I went caffeine, dairy and gluten free for 2 days. Wednesday night I gave in and had a slice of white bread with organic butter alongside my pork and salad. Brownie points for organic butter right? Thursday I was back on track until I had to work late, I got a pizza on the way home. I ordered a large one with the intention of sharing it with my boyfriend. I ended up eating more than half so thought stuff it and ordered him another one delivery and ate the rest of the one I had picked up. Gross.

Friday was my next colonic. I lied to Sue, I had to, I told her about the pork and she shuddered. I told her about the white bread, she looked sad so I thought I better not tell her about the pizza. This colonic was even better than the last. She told me she could see some older stuff coming out which strangely excited me. Dark little pebbles and flat pieces that must have been stuck up against the wall of the colon. That’s when she told me about mucoid plaque. I won’t describe it for you, if you have a weak stomach I wouldn’t even suggest googling it. So I decided that a no food, liquid only herbal clay cleanse was necessary.

The product I chose comes with organic herbal sachets that you mix with filtered water or organic apple juice every 3 hours, five times a day. They are meant to make you feel full and eliminate toxins from the body. You can do the cleanse whilst eating food but it is more effective when you don’t eat anything during the cleanse.

Blessed Herbs

Basically, the bentonite clay draws in toxins from your intestines which bind to the psyllium and because you aren’t eating you’re only eliminating toxins or existing build up in the colon.

I decided to take a week off work because all previous attempts had failed when I got nauseous and emotional. I have a high stress job so I knew that detoxing while working wasn’t a good idea. I would most probably break down at the slightest sign of stress. So Thursday I finished up at work with the intention of starting the pre-cleanse on Friday.

PRE CLEANSE FRIDAY 

I drank plenty of water,  peppermint  tea ad green tea. I had an omelette for lunch then had another colonic in the afternoon. On the way home I thought about all the healthy options I could make for dinner. I ended up going home and eating half a sponge cake with cream and passionfruit syrup. Then I had some lollies, then I had some chocolate. Then I made something healthy for dinner so my boyfriend didn’t know I had eaten so much already. Disaster.

PRE CLEANSE SATURDAY 

I was healthy again during the day but only because it was my 30th this night and I knew I would be cheating. For dinner I had some raw venison with avocado salsa and chorizo chips. Then I proceeded to have about 3 bottles of wine. Drinking problem anyone?

PRECLEANSE SUNDAY  

Woke up hung over and full of regret. My boyfriend got KFC and got me some but I felt terrible for drinking the night before so after having a couple of chips pushed the food away. I had a sachet of the clay mixture which I should have had since Friday. It made me tingle all over. I felt so tired, dehydrated and massive headaches all day. Some nausea too. I stuck to water, green tea & peppermint tea during the day and had roasted vegetables for dinner so I was back on track… sort of.

DAY ONEMONDAY 

Weight: 66.6kg     Waist: 78 cm

  • Weight loss progress:  Nil. 
  • General health: Tired. 
  • Energy:  Feel lazy, don’t want to do anything.

9am  Today is day one of the cleanse. My lead up to it wasn’t too successful but I have the week off work and am going to succeed. I slept in, woke up and had my first sachet of colon cleanse mixed with water. It tastes ok, like ginger water with thick bits of powder that haven’t disintegrated properly.

11: 45am Just had my second sachet mixed with water because I was hungry. You are meant to have one every 3 hours but I could not wait until 12pm. I am starving. This is a real struggle. I have been watching reality shows and helped do some gardening. Turned off my phone because I was getting work calls which annoyed me. I have a slight headache and am dreaming of toast with vine ripened tomatoes and butter. Back to reality, I make myself another peppermint tea.

3pm  The big test comes when my boyfriend heats up the KFC I didn’t eat yesterday. It smells amazing but then I remember I don’t like KFC. I only wanted it yesterday because I was hung over. I am just hungry now. I can get through this. I mix up the drink and it is getting harder to swallow. It’s not a very cold day today but I feel freezing so I heat up a heat bag in the microwave. Maybe keeping warm will help distract me.

5:04pm  I can’t stop thinking about food. I really want to quit. Stuff it, I don’t need to do this. I could just eat and enjoy the week off work. THIS. IS. DIFFICULT. I have now gone 22 hours without food.

6:10pm  Time for another sachet but I really don’t want it. The hunger pangs have kicked in and I have a major headache so I assume that having one will help me feel full. I avoid it for a while but eventually make it. It wasn’t very nice. I need to buy some organic apple juice tomorrow like they recommend on the packet.

6:27pm  Feeling good now, I think just as you start feeling bad the herbs make you feel better.

8:42pm  Tired and want to go to bed, don’t think I can stomach having another sachet so am going to leave it. I drink some water instead. I barely passed anything today so have taken three digestive stimulators that came with the cleanse kit. Hopefully a good ‘release’ tomorrow.

Remembered to have a probiotic tablet (25 billion good bacteria) to replace the good bacteria taken out through the cleanse so I don’t get a low immune system and get sick.

DAY TWOTUESDAY 

Weight: 66.5kg     Waist: 78cm

  • Weight loss progress:  100g 
  • General health: Tired 
  • Energy:  Feel lazy, don’t want to do anything.  

11:23am I just woke up. Overall I had a good nights sleep. I did wake up with a really dry mouth in the middle of the night but was too tired to get up and get more water. Will need to remember to take a lot of water to bed tonight. I had really strange dreams this morning. It was hard to get out of bed. I woke up dehydrated and had been sweating all night. I really don’t feel like having any of the sachets. I am drinking water and took 3 more digestive stimulators.

1:01pm  Finally had one of the sachets. Was hard to swallow. Had to have it because I was feeling hungry. I made the mistake of putting the sachet in the mixer jar first before the water so some of the clay stuck to the bottom. I have been sipping water all morning but feel pretty tired. I need to go down to the shops to get some organic apple juice to mix with it but can’t be bothered. I’m also worried that I will go there and buy something to eat so avoiding it. I have been peeing a lot but no movement yet. I am meant to be going 3 times a day on this cleanse but haven’t been since yesterday morning. The clay might have blocked me up. I need to read the instruction manual again.

3:16pm  Still no movement. Am going to the shops to get some organic apple juice.

3:30pm  Bought some organic apple juice, the drink tastes so much better with it. I might alternate between water and apple juice so I don’t get sick of the flavour. It’s quicker to drink with water because it isn’t foamy. I bought some vegetables too to make a broth because I need to hydrate more and there’s only so much water you can drink.

5:00pm  Success! I finally had a movement. It was mucoid plaque. Well I assume so. It was long and rubbery and looked like the google images. I think that must just be what it looks like when the clay draws toxins to the psyllium husk because I’m surprised to have it on day 2. It did feel really satisfying though.

5:46pm  I am making a vegetable broth. Boil for 40 minutes, strain and drink broth, do not have the vegetables.

7:33pm I had two large cups of vegetable broth and feel full but not satisfied. It tastes ok but I didn’t have any miso so will make sure I get some tomorrow. I think that will improve it greatly. I resisted the urge to add salt. I saw some digestive biscuits on the kitchen bench and when my boyfriend made toasted cheese and tomato sandwiches I found it a struggle. I had to sit on the couch with the blanket covering my face so I couldn’t smell it. I need to have another sachet because I have only had two so far today and am meant to have five per day. I haven’t had many side effects, did feel dizzy when I stood up too quickly. I have been burping which is strange for me, I don’t usually do that.

7:42pm  I had another sachet, this time mixed with 2/3 water and 1/3 apple juice which was really easy to drink.

8:55pm  I had another plaque movement which was good, quite happy that I have had two for today.

9:18pm I thought it would be a good idea to plan my meals when I come off the cleanse on Saturday so that I am prepared and don’t start eating everything in sight. It just made me really hungry looking up all the recipes so I have given up. Still burping which is strange. Might be the apple juice.

9:27pm  I just had another plaque movement. They are getting shorter.

9:43pm  I have a little bit of cramping. Still burping.

10:14pm  Just had another plaque movement. Still some cramps and have a headache, feel dehydrated.

10:43pm  Had another sachet. Went down really easily. Still burping. I am wondering if it is the apple juice. I’ll have to stay awake long enough to have some digestive stimulants and some probiotics. If I take them too close together then the sachet will draw in the digestive stimulants which will make them ineffective.

11:49pm  Had a probiotic and three digestive stimulants. Yawning but don’t feel ready for bed yet. Have some lower back pain.

1:14am  Ended up watching a late movie so just went to the toilet and had another plaque movement. My fifth for today, this one was bigger than the last. I can’t believe how much has come out of me considering I haven’t eaten for 2 days. Hopefully will show on the scales tomorrow.

DAY THREEWEDNESDAY  

Weight: 64 kg     Waist: 75.5 cm

  • Weight loss progress: 2.6kg 
  • General health: Tired 
  • Energy: Feel lazy, don’t want to do anything or leave the house.  

12:59pm  Just got out of bed. Woke up a few hours ago but apart from going to pee a few times, didn’t want to get out of bed. Hunger pangs finally made me get up and have a sachet. I am feeling no other side effects and feel so skinny. Looked at myself in the mirror and although my main goal is to be healthy but the weight loss is definitely encouraging me.

1:32pm  Had a good movement, more mucoid plaque.

3:14pm  I just left the house for a distraction but felt like I needed to go to the toilet most of the time so was awkward. I had a bit of gas and have come home with bad cramping. Have had a peppermint tea. Don’t want to have another sachet but I have to otherwise will be behind even more than yesterday. I have booked in a colon cleanse for tomorrow morning. I have promised a friend I will help her with her work so I will have to wake up early tomorrow. I’m hoping I will be ok with driving. I haven’t driven far this week because I have been worried about fainting. I am still burping quite a bit so will ask Sue what this is from tomorrow.

3:28pm Had another movement. Still have some cramping.

4:55pm  Had another small movement and had another sachet. Had it early so I can fit in another one today. I’m really over the sachets. I am finding it really grainy kind of like sand when you don’t wash lettuce properly. I can feel some more pimples coming up on my face so hopefully they go away soon.

5:52pm  Another movement. Small but sloppy. I will take less digestive stimulants tonight.

6:45pm  I just got back from the shops. I went to buy miso to put in the vegetable soup broth. Just had another sachet, was a struggle but I think my attitude before taking it is very negative so I need to change my attitude. I have been pretty negative today. My boyfriend told me he was really proud of me and I said ‘thanks, because it’s fucked’ which is actually way too dramatic. I felt rude for swearing. It has been a lot easier that I thought it was. I have to be more positive about this experience.

7:34pm  I have lots of energy, I will need to go to bed soon so had another probiotic and some digestive stimulants.

DAY FOURTHURSDAY 

Weight: 64.6 kg     Waist: 73 cm

  • Weight loss: 2kg (when I weighed myself first thing in the morning I weight 63.6kg)
  • General health: Very focused, sinus annoying.  
  • Energy:  Good energy, spent the whole day helping a friend at work today. 

7:15am  Hit the snooze button, don’t want to get up yet.

7:45am   Got out of bed reluctantly. Found it so hard to get to sleep last night. Was awake for hours with my mind racing. Kept trying to calm my mind but couldn’t. I don’t even know what I was thinking about. My wrist was aching last night. Sweated again in my sleep. Don’t remember any dreams which is unusual. Usually I feel like I have dreamed all night. Weighed myself and felt so skinny! Got in the shower but after a while felt really full. My stomach is quite hard so I’m glad I’m going to have a colonic today.

8:40am  I got to my friends work. Feel really focussed and easy to concentrate.

10am   Went to my colonic with Sue. I cannot believe how much came out. Really large thick pieces and a lot of mucoid plaque. Sue was really excited and was so happy with everything I passed. It was funny how excited she was. The last 15 minutes was tough because nothing was coming out, I was getting cramps and Sue said a lot of water was going into me. I kept feeling cramps but when she released nothing came out. Sue could feel there was something inside me and was massaging quite hard. Finally a huge amount came out. I seriously was so shocked. It is ridiculous how much came out. Afterwards I felt so much better. Even after the colonic I went to the toilet before leaving Sue’s and had another movement.

11:00am  Got some freshly squeezed apple juice and coconut water from a deli near my friends work. It wasn’t organic but I needed something different to mix the sachet.

12pm   I had my first sachet today and it didn’t work with freshly squeezed juice. There was too much fluffy stuff from the apples. Difficult to swallow.

2:00pm  Had a Dr Stuarts skin purify tea which didn’t taste like much but felt like I had to have something. So far I’ve had a fresh apple juice and a litre of coconut water.

5:00pm  Got home, almost decided to break the fast but decided I could wait one more day and then eat dinner tomorrow. Had another sachet. Had another movement.

8pm  Had another sachet. Finding it easier to deal with the hunger pangs, they go as soon as I have a sachet. They are almost just a reminder to have the sachet. Decided to have some vegetable broth with the miso in it because I had some left over. Regret. Didn’t realise there were addditives in there.

9pm  Went to bed early. Hope I can get to sleep easily tonight. Had some digestives and probiotic.

DAY FIVE FRIDAY 

Weight: 62.3 kg     Waist: 73 cm

  • Weight loss progress:  4.3kg  
  • General health: Very focussed, yawned a lot but didnt feel tired.  
  • Energy:  Good energy, spent the whole day helping a friend at work today. 

7:30am  Was meant to get up early to work again but could not get out of bed. Messaged my friend to say I would be at her office at 9am. Last night I managed to get to sleep easily. I didn’t dream at all until this morning when I went back to sleep and reset my alarm. Had strange dreams about driving a car and there weren’t any brakes. Annoying, I should have just gotten up.

8:30am  Dragged myself out of bed and into a hot shower. Feel so tired.

9:15am  Made it to my friends work. Had a sachet and a cup of tea. Will try to have more today.

12pm   Had another sachet. Have decided I will definitely eat tonight, I just don’t think I have enough energy to keep going without any food.

4:30pm  Left my friends office. Feel like I have lots of energy and am really focussed.

5:00pm  Got home and am unsure what to cook for dinner. Had a sachet while I looked in the pantry for ideas.

5:10pm  Had a really big movement. Can’t believe there is still more coming out!

5:30pm  Just made up dinner as I went but managed to make it gluten free and dairy free. According to the cleanse manual I should have had a green apple to start with, then if I was ok continue with a salad with rice and lemon and oil as dressing. Thought stuff that and I ended up with, a kind of tomato risotto. It was really yummy then again I’m sure anything after 5 days would be yummy.

I am not completely sure if it happened before or after dinner but I started sneezing a lot. I had to continually blow my nose. I assumed I was getting a cold.

6:00pm  Another movement. Smaller this time.

9:00pm  Took another 3 digestive stimulators and a probiotic then went to bed, nose is getting worse. I am continually blowing it and sneezing. Nostrels are both fully blocked now. Took a while to stop playing on my phone but I probably got to sleep about 11pm.

DAY SIXSATURDAY (POST CLEANSE) 

Weight:  63.4 kg     Measurements not taken.

  • Weight loss progress:  3.2kg  
  • General health: Constantly blowing nose and sneezing. Itchy nose and eyes like hay fever
  • Energy:  Good energy despite the nose.  

11:30am  My alarm went off. Feel so dehydrated. Have a few stomach cramps. Need to get up to pee. Had really poor sleep and bad dreams again. Nose was ok at first.

12:50pm  Had a movement. Loose stool but quite a lot. Stomach cramps went after that. Nose has been bad again with sneezing, itchy eyes.

12:57pm  Was hanging out washing and my sight went, didn’t return for about 40 seconds. Knew it was temporary. Felt like it did when you stand up too fast and go blank.

1:02pm  Had two spoonful’s of the risotto from last night and starting drinking coconut water to make sure I was ok to drive today.

1:30pm  Had lunch with a friend at a new café in Subiaco called ‘Health Freak’ which is all gluten and sugar free. I had a freshly squeezed juice. Also had beetroot and quinoa patties with cherry tomatos, avocado and bean sprouts. Was nice and full afterwards. Nose at this point was runny with the occasional blow.

After lunch went for a walk. Stopped at a place for a pot of green tea. After the green tea (about 4 cups) my nose went crazy. Itchy nose, sneezing, itchy eyes constantly had to blow my nose.

 green tea

6:00pm  Got home and had another sachet. Might as well, I had 12 left over. Researched what I could have for dinner.

7:00pm  I decided to have brown rice for dinner. Turns out that is the only thing in my pantry that I could eat. My only other option was baked potato or pumpkin.

SUMMARY 

On reflection of my cleanse I am really proud that I managed to complete it. It really was a mental challenge more than anything. I feel like I would be more confident next time I do a cleanse knowing that I am capable. My sinuses did improve dramatically during this, my hearing has returned, I assume due to sinus improvement. My jeans feel loose and I’m happy with the look of my body and result on the scales, I haven’t put the 3kg back on. I’m not craving anything unhealthy, am just appreciative that I can eat. I was shocked at the amount of mucoid plaque I had inside me and hopeful that I fixed my toxic liver. My energy levels are great, concentration at work is excellent, I am less scatty and can focus. I think the runny nose was an allergic reaction to something I ate because it stopped the night of day 6.

If anyone has any cleanse suggestions please email me – emmagibb7@gmail.com or comment.

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