So I woke up today and decided to have a makeover. With my pregnancy curves I was really feeling Kim Kardashian vibes. I wouldn’t need to do that much really, just a nice olive tan, some dark defined eyebrows and luscious dark hair.
STEP 1: APPLY TAN
A few seconds in (like literally one swipe of the tan mitt) I was frothing about how great the colour and application was. I then attempted my back which turned out patchy with a side of leprosy. Halfway through application Will woke up so I had to walk like a scarecrow to go get him. Mission get-toddler-out-of-a-cot-without-getting-any-tan-on-him was a success. Tan application complete (who needs an even tan on their back anyway) I was ready for the next step.
STEP 2: TINT EYEBROWS
I applied the brow tint and set the timer for 20 minutes. I got a little overconfident drawing bigger and bigger brows. Unable to get them even, I gave up with one arched a few mm more than the other. I didn’t put enough of the mixture on my brows so it didn’t peel off like the box promised, I had to pinch off the tint. Not to be deterred by the lack of result I decided while Will was distracted with pens on the floor I would move on.
STEP 3: DYE HAIR
My hair was bleached and I didn’t want to risk it going green so I opted for a burgundy. The dye packet said 5-30 minutes so I thought 30 minutes was perfect to achieve the rich burgundy I had in mind. It also took 30 minutes to wipe all the red dye off my skin so I didn’t look like a murder scene victim. I would like to point out that if the packet had said ‘your hair will turn orange like you belong in a hippie commune’ then I may have decided on a different colour.
STEP 4: THE REVEAL
$55 later the results were in. Although it was meant to be dark olive, my skin must have been so pale that it tinted to a shade of white girl gone orange. My hair is also a shade of orange, the exact shade I know my husband dislikes. I’ll have to draw on the eyebrows.
OK so the makeover was a bit of a let down, maybe I just need some contour? Botox? Facial reconstruction? Now to decide whether to spend the last of my money on Katsu chicken or brown hair dye… decisions, decisions.