Motherhood

Competitive parenting: Please stop wasting my flava

You know when you tell someone something then they come back at you all negative just bringing down the vibe? Well that’s what I mean by stop wasting my flava.

Competitive parenting
No flavour wasted here

The competitive parenting starts in Pregnancy

You’re tired, I mean really tired. Like more tired than you’ve ever been before. Your body is growing a human being. A HUMAN BEING. You might have just gotten over six, maybe even thirty weeks of non stop morning sickness that lasted day and night like you’d come off a three day bender. You might be getting up twelve times a night to pee. You might not be sleeping because your hip aches and trying to sleep upright on the couch didn’t work, now your neck is sore so you’re fucked and can only sleep in the garden. Someone asks you how you’re feeling. It’s so nice that someone cares, you say ‘I’m tired’ then they reply – ‘Just wait until the baby comes then you’ll know what tired means’ – Stop wasting my flava.

Competitive parenting continues in motherhood

You’re dealing with sleep deprivation, you don’t understand how you used to be able to do a million things in one day at the office and now you can’t even collect a package from the post office. You make a goal – ‘Tomorrow I will collect the package’. Then tomorrow comes and time gets away from you with the constant rotation of feed, nappy, sleep. The baby keeps crying so you don’t make it out of the house today. Someone calls to ask how you’re coping. Oh it’s so nice speaking to another adult. You say ‘I just can’t seem to get anything done’ then they reply – ‘Just wait until he’s moving around, then you’ll never get anything done’. Mate stop wasting my flava.

You woke up 12 times last night, you’re exhausted but you haven’t left the house for a week so you’re determined to get out and live life. You put on some makeup and get the hell out of the house. You go to the local shops, you’re feeling good after an extra large cappuccino. You’re exercising by pushing the pram around Kmart, buying baby shit you don’t really need but it’s on special and that shopping buzz is better than no other. You make a visit to the parents room to change bubs nappy, there’s a couple in there with two kids. The lady asks how old your baby is and you say ‘four months’. The woman says ‘wow you look amazing for four months’, you say ‘thanks’ beaming at the compliment because on the inside you’re rotting. Then the reply ‘Just wait until you have two’. Seriously, stop wasting my flava.

Why can’t we just experience what we’re experiencing without somebody wasting our flava?

When our baby was less than a week old my cousin and his wife came over to take baby photos. My husband and I were buzzing with the new baby, ‘He’s a good sleeper’ I gloated to my cousin. ‘That’s great’ he said. He didn’t waste my flava and let me experience the happiness. Fast forward to 10 weeks in and I saw him at our other cousins 21st. I talked about how tired we were as a couple, how we were playing the who’s more tired game. He gave me a knowing look and said ‘I didn’t want to burst your bubble, you guys were in that newborn excitement phase’. Why can’t we all be like my cousin? Why can’t we celebrate each others wins and let people feel their lows. If someone is feeling bad about something, telling them it’s going to get worse is not the solution! I say lets stop competitive parenting. Even if you’re so jealous that your friends baby slept through the night that you could stab them in the eye. Smile and celebrate that win with them because when it’s time to share your win, you will want someone to celebrate with you.

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32 Comments

  • Reply

    The Mum Reviews

    September 1, 2016

    I’ve got that song stuck in my head now. “What’s your flava, tell me what’s your flava? Whooo!”

    Seriously though, I love this post. People always feel like they need to one-up you if their already past the stage you’re at. I’m probably guilty of it myself. It’s good to be reminded to just be supportive of each other. #sharingthebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      haha that song! I love that you commented that. Yes I go to say something all the time then remind myself how much I hate it and stop.

  • Reply

    Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons

    September 3, 2016

    I love #stopwastingmyflava! I experienced all of these comments (I was a ‘morning sickness still going on at 30 weeks’ pregnant lady) and they used to make me burn up inside! The other one I got when my son was a newborn was ‘it just gets harder you know’. Who says that to a new mother clearly struggling?

    I don’t understand why people feel the need to be such downers on everything – if you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself!

    Thanks so much for joining us again at #SharingtheBlogLove
    Katy – Hot Pink Wellingtons recently posted…#SharingtheBlogLove #10My Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      I know, why do they always feel the need to say it gets harder?! Really not helpful. 30 weeks of morning sickness is horrible, luckily I didn’t have it that long. Thanks for hosting.

  • Reply

    Kat

    September 4, 2016

    I love this. It’s so much nicer when people celebrate with you rather than give unwanted advice or almost try and get one up on you. It can really bring you down. #sharingthebloglove
    Kat recently posted…Sisterhood of the World Bloggers TagMy Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 5, 2016

      Yes we need to be more supportive of each other without being competitive.

  • Reply

    Laura - dear bear and beany

    September 5, 2016

    I love this! It really annoys me when people have to put a downer on things. There definitely needs to be more people like your cousin, he got it spot on. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove X

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 8, 2016

      Yes, it’s so annoying when people do that. Thanks for hosting #SharingtheBlogLove

  • Reply

    Claire

    September 8, 2016

    #this Seriously I can’t count how many times this has happened, I may even be guilty of dong something similar myself once or twice *wince* But the worst is probably the people who have to do this to Every. Single. Area. Of. Your. Life. you know the people lol. #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 8, 2016

      I’m guilty too but am making a conscious effort not to do it anymore! We’re only human x

  • Reply

    Elsie Pop

    September 8, 2016

    It always astonishes me how people think other peoples’ babies are their business! I think that’s part of why I haven’t had kids yet – people interfering winds me up at the best of times, I don’t think I could be as diplomatic as most mums have to be when faced with all these flava stealers! Great post. #sharingthebloglove
    Elsie Pop recently posted…On Losing – and Finding – Your CrojoMy Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 9, 2016

      Thanks Elsie, haha well it will be good when you do have kids because you can tell people to mind their own beeswax!!

  • Reply

    Cathryn - Little Paper Swans

    September 8, 2016

    Love this post! People are always negative. In the end I say thanks but no thanks to your advice/negativity.

    #SharingTheBlogLove
    Cathryn – Little Paper Swans recently posted…Our Wedding – Flowers, Food & DetailsMy Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 9, 2016

      Thanks for reading Cathryn. Yes agree only positivity thanks x

  • Reply

    Alana - Burnished Chaos

    September 8, 2016

    Love this post. It’s so true. Everything in life these days seems to be some sort of competition to see who has it the worst, it’s crazy. I’ve probably fallen into to the same pattern myself before without even realising, but I will certainly be more conscious of it now, so thank you. We should definitely be lifting each other up not pushing each other down x
    #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 9, 2016

      It’s an easy trap for us all to fall into unfortunately but yes lifting each other up is essential. Thanks for reading.

  • Reply

    Jaki

    September 8, 2016

    Great post. People who think they know everything and are quick to put you down really grate on me. Especially during a time when your hormones are all over the place. If I heard the ‘tired’ thing once when I was pregnant I heard it a million frickin times! No need! Thanks for putting this out there. #sharingthebloglove
    Jaki recently posted…Little Grey Fergie at Cotswold Farm ParkMy Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 9, 2016

      Thanks for reading. Haha yes no need to tell a hormonal woman she is not tired!

  • Reply

    Louise

    September 8, 2016

    I hate how people put a downer on everything! We just want positivity not negativity!!

  • Reply

    Louise

    September 8, 2016

    I wish people could just be positive! I hate the negative comments people always say! #sharingthebloglove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 9, 2016

      I know! No need for the negativity. Positive vibes only thanks x

  • Reply

    Sarah Stockley

    September 9, 2016

    Yes Yes Yes to all of this! Great post so so true. Sarah #SharingTheBlogLove
    Sarah Stockley recently posted…#ExplorerKids – Round-up #24My Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 9, 2016

      Thanks Sarah, appreciate you taking the time to read!

  • Reply

    Andrea @ Topsy Turvy Tribe

    September 9, 2016

    To true…why is it that people are always more interested in one-upmanship than being supportive and kind. #SharingtheBlogLove
    Andrea @ Topsy Turvy Tribe recently posted…Fig & Nut Energy BarsMy Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 9, 2016

      Really frustrating hey! Thanks for reading x

  • Reply

    Kirsty - Winnettes

    September 9, 2016

    It’s constant isn’t it?! When I was pregnant with my second, also a second girl… Every other person took great delight in telling me how much easier boys were! I’m mean really! It wasn’t helpful.
    #SharingtheBlogLove
    Kirsty – Winnettes recently posted…This went quickly – DaddyMy Profile

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 9, 2016

      I literally just had a conversation with my husband seconds ago about this!! haha thanks for reading x

  • Reply

    Kirsty - Motherhoodery

    September 10, 2016

    Really brilliant post. So spot on. People can’t enjoy the moment with you, they have to think of something to bring you down. It’s like them saying ‘don’t get too happy’! x #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Reply

      Emma

      September 12, 2016

      Yes that’s exactly what it’s like! Thanks for reading. x

  • Reply

    One Messy Mama

    October 9, 2016

    Yup, yup and yup… No comment. I have a friend that always has to be one up on you! So annoying. Just leave me be please! #fortheloveofblog

    • Reply

      Emma

      October 10, 2016

      so frustrating! Thanks for reading.

  • Reply

    The Pramshed

    October 14, 2016

    Really brilliant post, i can relate to all of these and we often played the who’s more tired game and who’s had the least sleep. It does get easier. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x
    The Pramshed recently posted…My Routine – The Juggling ActMy Profile

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