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Motherhood

Can we just stop with the shitty advice on Facebook?

When I first found out I was pregnant I couldn’t wait to jump on Facebook and interact with other expectant mothers, after all I didn’t know anyone who was pregnant and there were only so many times I could tell my husband what size the baby was. By the time it got to the size of a blueberry he had already zoned out, so Facebook groups seemed to be the obvious place to connect with others who would share in my enthusiasm. It wasn’t long before I realised that people are idiots and they give shitty advice.

One of my friends is a registered nutritionist with a legit degree and her advice is based on current, relevant research. She also has a toddler which I believe is the ultimate masters degree when it comes to understanding fussy eaters. Whenever I saw a concerned mum post about something in her realm of expertise, I tagged Sarah in the post so she could comment. So Sarah did the right thing, she gave FREE advice to a concerned parent. The conversation went a little like this:

Concerned mum of a toddler: “Should I do this?”

Registered Nutritionist: “Registered Nutritionist here, this is the current research and advice regarding that.”

Idiot: “That’s not right, I know better. You shouldn’t give that advice. I was introduced to solids too early so I have IBS, allergies and asthma. I did this with my kids and you should do what I say.”

Me: “Well food-issue-Mcgee I really think that your talent in providing up to date accurate information in a mum Facebook group is going to waste. You need to donate your body to science for vigorous testing ASAP as you have found the sole cause of asthma, allergies and IBS. Seriously what were we all thinking listening to experts who say early introduction to food is good when you had all the answers the whole time!? Oh by the way I’m being sarcastic because you are an idiot.”

I didn’t say any of that of course because it’s not OK to attack or bully other mum’s ever. I just had the conversation over and over in my head for over a week until I was satisfied that the idiot had learnt her lesson and would never give shitty advice again. 

Well it turns out I was wrong! The idiot was back, this time with even better advice on a comment I made:

Concerned mum of a baby that cries all the time: “Can anyone recommend a Chiropractor?”

Me: “Yes, I had an excellent one in Winthrop, helped us so much, here are the details.”

Idiot: “You don’t need one, they just want to make money off you, my baby cried, it’s normal for babies to cry.”

Also me: “Well It’s-my-baby-she’ll-cry-if-she-wants-to, firstly the question was to recommend a chiropractor, not discredit a whole profession of licensed practitioners. Next time I need a healthcare professional I will call you, god forbid the pharmacist will try to make money off me. I feel so stupid for taking my 3 month old to a chiropractor because he cried all the time. I mean, it worked and we found out he had one leg 2cm longer than the other but what a waste of money. I could have saved a few hundred dollars and let him be one of those kids at school wearing one platform shoe because his legs were uneven.”

I didn’t say anything like that though because again, attacking other mums on Facebook is not OK people. I just fumed in silence while driving to work giving her lots of hand clicks and head snapping but I’m sure she felt that energy, right in her core. 

So why does this shitty advice annoy me so much? Surely I should be used to it by now, I mean it is Facebook after all. Well it’s the impact of these ‘experts’ weighing in on the conversations that bothers me. The impact is silence… all it does is stop people who have credible advice or opinions to stop commenting in fear of getting attacked. So please, next time you read a post by a concerned parent wanting valuable advice or opinions, stop giving shitty advice.

shitty advice
“Only feed the baby in direct moonlight or he will turn into a zombie” – shitty advice
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Motherhood

Sometimes being a mother makes me feel trapped

Sometimes being a mother makes me feel trapped. There I said it.

When I was young I wanted it all. I wanted to party, I wanted to travel, I wanted to have a career but really I was just passing time until I got married and became a mum.

I thought I would love maternity leave and at first I did. I went for walks in the sunshine, met friends for coffee, I cleaned the house, I went shopping. All I needed was to sleep more than three hours in a row and life would be perfect.

Something changed around six months. My savings started to run out and the thought of relying on my husband for money overwhelmed me. I was losing my identity and my independence but I was dreading returning to work. I was determined to make my blog a success, all I needed was for one post to go viral but it never did. I quit my job anyway because I lived too far from the office. The pressure was off and I started to enjoy motherhood again but something changed.

I found it hard to sit and just be with Will. I felt guilty like I should be doing something else. I felt unproductive, like I was wasting time.

I found a wonderful daycare that encourages free play and warms my gypsy soul. I found a job I love and started working part-time. It felt like it was all meant to be but then Will started getting sick. Nothing serious but enough to stay at home and question whether daycare is right for him. I feel like each day is groundhog day, I’m just getting by until bath time, waiting for my husband to come home so I can breathe.

We live our lives waiting for the next stage, waiting for that holiday, waiting for the promotion, waiting for our partner to propose, waiting for the wedding, waiting to get pregnant, waiting to have the baby. Then it all happens in the blink of an eye and we’re left wondering ‘what now?’

As selfish as it sounds, sometimes being a mother makes me feel trapped.

Sometimes motherhood makes me feel trapped
What shall we do today? I know, let’s stay home and do the same thing as yesterday.
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Motherhood

I’ve become a lazy mum

So as I look around my house I realise it’s happened, I’ve become one of ‘those mums’. You know, the lazy mum, the type of mum you said you would never become? The house is a mess, I look like an old bag and my son is covered, head to toe in banana.

It didn’t happen overnight, it was a gradual descent into chaos. I was always insistent I wasn’t going to be a lazy mum. I wasn’t going to let the washing pile up. I wasn’t going to let my son have a dirty face. I wasn’t going to look old and leathery. Well turns out, this motherhood gig aint all that easy and apologies are in order.

Sorry to the mum with the messy house. I didn’t realise how easy I had it being at work all day while the house stayed clean.

Sorry to the mum who doesn’t wear makeup or brush her hair. I didn’t realise that even getting a shower is considered grooming now.

Sorry to the mum at the restaurant who let her baby eat chips. I didn’t realise how annoying it is thinking of five different nutritious meals in one day.

Sorry to the mum at the pub with the baby not wearing shoes. I didn’t realise that babies don’t like shoes and how unnecessary they are when they can’t even walk.

Sorry to the mum who changed a nappy in the pram. I didn’t realise how inconvenient it is to find changing rooms.

Sorry to the mum who had a screaming baby in the supermarket, I didn’t realise that you can’t control their volume.

Sorry to the mum who’s baby had a dummy, I thought it was the easy way out.

Sorry to the mum who’s baby doesn’t sleep, I thought sleep training worked.

Sorry to the mum who didn’t want her baby to play in the dirt at the park, it’s hard to get those stains out.

Sorry to the mum who’s baby had red cheeks from teething, I thought it was sunburn.

To all the mums that I secretly judged behind your back, I’m sorry for being a mum shaming, see you next Tuesday. I have learnt my lesson and am proudly now one of ‘those mums’.

I've become one of 'those mums'
How I would look if I could take a nice picture.

 

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Motherhood

6 Times Motherhood made me crazy

OK so there’s way more than 6 but we don’t have all day so I’ll keep it simple. I would like to thank the sleep deprivation but most of all the baby. It’s because of you that motherhood made me crazy.

  1. I cried in the hospital car park when my husband wanted to carry our 3 day old son in the console without a cover on, I was convinced he would catch something.
  2. I was crazy obsessed with routine when my son was first born. I made very small specific time frames for visitors, unfortunately he wasn’t on board with the routine so he was always asleep when they arrived.
  3. One time my husband touched the outside of a bottle I had just sterilised. I had a meltdown and sterilised it again.
  4.  If breast milk was precious then I was Gollum because I used to pour every last drop into the bottles. Unfortunately one day after a long sleepless night I accidentally poured 120ml straight into the sink. I went mental.
  5. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I frantically searched the bed thinking my son was under the covers. One time I woke up panicking because he was under the covers, I could feel him breathing! I managed to get him out then realised I was holding a pillow.
  6. I woke up shaking the lamp upside down. I thought it was the baby.

I’d love to know I’m not alone and hear about the times motherhood has made you crazy!

 

motherhood made me crazy
I am so crazy I scrunched up this piece of paper.. or playdough, not really sure what it is.mad
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